standup

We’re so happy to have all of our cousins new spouses. Like it’s so inspiring to see all that love and joy.

But Instead of a love poem, we’d like to reiterate our return policy is 30 days for a full refund. No exchanges. Dowry’s and gold given as presents are non-refundable. We’re not responsible for your declining interest rate.

Thanks everyone’s for getting together to take a group picture so we can save this memory for a lifetime and never forget the great time we had tonight. We’re just asking if u have undetermined legal status in this country, please sit this one out. For the singles joining us, feel free to use these pictures on ur Muslims singles Muzmatch or minder profiles.

So great to see so many Arab Americans gathered in one place,some of my favorite family members or as I like to call them, BMW 528, BMW 8 series, BMW White M4. Like when somebody says “please a BMW is blocking the entrance to the masjid” like 4 Soboh’s get up. When we give directions to get to our house we’re like “just route ur gps to the  BMW dealership of Eau Gallie”

No but for real our neighbors here in Aurora woods are so confused. Like they probably see this happening and have so many questions. Like “why are there so many people over?” and “if u don’t like it here why don’t u go back from where u came from?” and we have so many questions for them right like “what year is it” and “who’s the president”. “Where were u on Jan 6?”

This food we have to say is about be so delicious. 3 turkeys in the smoker I mean wow. And you know it’s gonna be good. It’s so good the first time I tried one of my dads smoke turkeys I said WOW this is delicious dad please, never quit smoking!

My mom has been helping Omar with college applications. And it hasn’t been easy. Lots of late nights. Lots of arguments. Blood sweat tears. Actually the first time I’ve seen Omar and my mom fight. I knew it was bad when I started hearing them talk about this new college “F. U.”

No but forreal, Omar has a great relationship with my mom. So do I. Farris too. We like to joke around and say ohh Farris is her favorite child. Like we kind of accepted it. But being that she only has one daughter it’s easy to know her favorite daughter—-Tamara. that hurt that hurt.

We know Majed and Saad and my uncles  are all business partners. Some savvy business minds right we’re proud. In fact while I have you guys here I have a pitch for you:

I’m seeking a $100 investment in exchange for a 0% stake in these really cute boots I want. And I’m open to negotiation! This year I have been profitable so it only fair. I mean the heel on these boots is totally proprietary.

No it’s funny cuz my dad and Saad have this good cop bad cop thing going on. Like my dad is like the mall cop that doesn’t even have a tazer and Saad is more like police brutality vibe. Like Saad doesn’t sugar coat anything that’s what we like about him. He’s so honest when he goes to court he doesn’t even have to go under oath. He always loses when we  play two truths and a lie. Or as Saad like to call it three truths. When u ask Saad’s opinion you have to be like “be dishonest does this outfit look good on me”?

Mahmoud. It’s been a big year for you. New house new job. We’re honestly so happy that after painstakingly bringing you across the world and getting you the opportunity to receive a world class education and fixing up ur papers, you were able to live the American dream, opening up a dookanah.

Uncle Mohammed we really appreciate you coming to this thanksgiving because we know there were three other thanksgivings you could have gone to. No we love you uncle Mohammad. Your like a dad to me for real. You guys look the same talk the same. People always find it so heartwarming when I tell them I have two dads. And im always like Love wins.

It’s always so frustrating to me when people act like my family isn’t real American. Or unpatriotic. I mean our family loves this country so much, several members are sporting the bald eagle hairstyle. Bald heads matter.

You guys have been a good sport for real. And don’t worry I can make fun of myself. Like I know I have flaws. I hear what they say about me. I know people think I’m really spoiled but what they don’t realize is I had to work really hard in life…to convince my dad to get a BMW. No it’s important to recognize our privileges in this life. Which is why I’d like to take this time to officially recognize my pretty privilege. Being this beautiful truly has advantaged me in life and I recognize the struggle of those less fortunate. Some of which are with us in this room.

I’m thankful to have a family that lets us smoke our turkeys here but roast our guests